someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We're too hungover to prance.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
