is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
