I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
