hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
