Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
