I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
