Porn is love you can see.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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