Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Randomize
