Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
