dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
