You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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