Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
