the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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