They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
