Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
