Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
