why didn't you poke me back
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
