I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
