Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
