I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
