I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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