Ketchup is God's man juice
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
