I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
