I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
