Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
