The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
