I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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