You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I sprained my soul last night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
