Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
