Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
