She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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