margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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