how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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