I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
