I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
