so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
