At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
