i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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