I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
