We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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