My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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