Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
