I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
its liver damage thursday
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
