well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
