So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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