***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
