Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
