Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
