He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
