I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Someone shattered a urinal.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
