Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
